Today I was shelling peas in my kitchen while thinking about a disagreement I was having with a loved one. Even though I kept trying to bring my awareness back to my breath, my heart, and the task, I continually got wrapped up in dramatic text messages while heaving heavy sighs. I was so distracted that every so often peas would spill all over the kitchen sink and even onto the floor. Sometimes we allow negative experiences in our day to seep over into the rest of our lives, and it’s difficult to get ourselves out of that funk that seems all encompassing. Sometimes we are so attached to our own sense of right and wrong that we become unable to let go of things that later seem trivial. Sometimes we allow our emotional tension to become so gripping that we don’t even realize that we are holding our breath.
The breath. Inhale, exhale…it always comes back to the breath. Breathing is the only thing we really must do, it is an involuntary mechanism that the body uses to continue living. On a very surface level, the breath takes oxygen in and dispels carbon dioxide out. Carbon dioxide accumulates fast in our bloodstream, which makes it acidic, so it is imperative to breath continually in order to release it. For this reason, it quickly becomes more necessary to release carbon dioxide than to accumulate oxygen. Controlled breathing helps to bring all of the systems of the body together, synchronizing our neural and nervous systems. We can live days without water, but we cannot live long without the breath.
The breath not only gives you life, it calms you, it soothes you, it’s sound is a mantra that can connect you deeper to the person you are inside of yourself, without all of the distractions of our outer layers and external experiences. The old saying ‘take a deep breath’ is something that most people have experienced as being helpful in moments of stress or turmoil. The breath is both inside and outside of our bodies. We can control the breath with pranayama, in meditation and asana practice, and achieve greater awareness and spiritual awakening. The breath links us to ourselves, to the rest of the world, and conceivably even beyond.
As a devout asana practitioner, sometimes I feel like I use the practice to bring myself out of my world and my head, and into a place of focus. I don’t feel like this is a bad thing, I just feel like I should be better able to do that off of my mat, too (there I go, judging my practice again). When we become overwhelmed in asana class, what do we do? We don’t drink water, contrary to popular belief and action. We take a child’s pose, Balasana. By bringing the forehead to the floor, the hips to the heels, and outstretching the arms forward or along the sides, we can regroup. We can catch our breath. There are often moments in my day that I would love to come to the floor and take a child’s pose. In some ways I feel like the breath is the child’s pose of life. It is often not possible to drop to the floor and place my head to the ground, but I can always take a deep breath and try to connect to my heart.
What is the heart, besides a beating organ that pumps oxygen into the bloodstream, thus giving us life in every moment of the day? To me, the heart is love. When I feel emotions such as deep joy, or even sadness, I can feel a subtle sensation where my heart is. The term ‘broken hearted’ refers to this sensation, and unfortunately, certainly most readers have experienced a broken heart. But many of us have experienced the feelings of deep joy as well, perhaps to a point where we feel a little tickle and have to place a hand on our chest as a smile breaks out across our face. How is it possible that our emotions can give us tangible physical experiences like this?
Because our body is one large functioning unit of many smaller systems, we are eventually able to come into contact with many subtle parts of ourselves with practice. Noticing how we physically react to strong experiences is the very first step to becoming aware of these more subtle parts of our being. When we have a crush on another person, the heart flutters a little when that special someone enters the room. When we feel stress, we don’t even realize that we often tense up between our eyebrows. When we are nervous, we sense an unsettled feeling in the belly referred to as ‘butterflies in the stomach.’ These are all major centers of nerves in the body, and most of them align with our chakra system. Chakras (translated as ‘wheel’ in English) are little balls of energy within us that we can tangibly feel with practice or with intense emotional experiences. Once we can feel and understand our chakras, we are then able to connect with something on a deeper level within our being, and we can begin to understand that sense of expansiveness within our physical body.
In my yoga school (Shambhava School of Yoga) we have a practice that helps us to connect with the heart chakra by recalling a special person or experience that brings us feelings of deep love and happiness. From here, breathe deeply and reflect on the memory. Eventually perhaps a subtle sensation will begin to grow in the heart, or even a gentle smile begins to spread. Let the feeling ruminate until it becomes the central part of your focus. The next step is working towards keeping these wonderful feelings in the consciousness while letting go of our image or idea that evoked them at the onset of the exercise. From here, we can begin to feel a greater sense of love that is independent of anything else. The point of this practice is to deeply acknowledge and understand that all of the joy, love, and goodness we experience comes from inside of ourselves, not from external objects, people, or events. Eventually, with practice, that sensation and experience of joy can be felt in the heart just by taking one breath, without conjuring up any peripheral memory. The breath, again, connects you to the love that exists within you.
Even though I was unable to shell my peas this afternoon in a meditative fashion, I did notice the nervous and agitated feeling within myself and my being, and attempted to quell it. I made a few concerted efforts to focus on the task and stay present, and I also took a few deep breaths into my navel chakra to help ground myself. Sure, I wasn’t successful in keeping the steadiness of that peaceful feeling consistent, and yes, I was allowing myself to become absorbed in menial dramas. But I have to be more patient with myself… I tell my students that yoga is a lifelong journey, but for many it’s something that spans scores of lifetimes. I acknowledge that in this life, I am not perfect. I understand that the bliss that exists within me is not immediately available without a concentrated effort, and most often I forget or neglect to take that effort. Though this all makes me feel terribly far from enlightenment, as my good friend Kshama would say, “That’s why it’s called PRACTICE.”
